Posted tagged ‘hornblower’

Evaluate yourself

07 Aug 2009

There comes a time in every Hornblower’s life when he (there are no female Hornblowers) must examine his life, and his reasons for Web logging. I do believe that my purpose with this Web log is to convince my self that I’m really cool, while at the same time (and this is crucial) making people think to themselves, “Hey, this Hornblower guy is actually really not cool. All he does is write this damn inconsequential Web log. Doesn’t he have a job, or friends — besides the made-up readers of his Web log, anyway? And he usually ends up killing those guys, anyway. And the way he talks to them — it’s like he doesn’t know what human interactions are supposed to be like. It’s pretty disturbing. If I met this man, I would flee for the highlands. I hope he finds help, or the Lord, or help in the Lord. We are all in danger.”

Another Dialogue

22 Jun 2009

Reader 2: I’ve grown weary of waiting. My anger rises within me. Anger at Hornblower, and at the world.

Reader 1: He used to be so reliable. So trustworthy. I fear that fame has turned him all topsy-turvy.

Reader 2: I heard he sits all day in the cantina, drinking Land Shark beer.

Reader 1: The Jimmy Buffett beer?

Reader 2: Yes, didn’t you click the hyperlink?

Reader 1: No, I didn’t want to leave this site.

Reader 2: Old feelings die hard.

Reader 1: Your mom dies hard.

Reader 2: What?

Reader 1: Never mind. It’s useless. Hornblower’s the only true comic voice in all the land. We need him.

Reader 2: Forget it, Reader 1. He’s gone home. To roost. We never needed him, you know. He only brought us down. We’re better off without him.

Hornblower: I heard that.

Reader 1, Reader 2, God: Hornblower!

Here’s a dialogue

02 Jun 2009

Reader 1: Hey, Hornblower has been really lazy, lately. Does he just not go to shows any more, or what? Is something wrong with his computer, or his typing hand? Why does he only use one hand to type, anyway? That’s an awful way to do things.

Reader 2: Wow, I don’t know the answers to any of these questions. Literally, not a one. Boy.

Reader 1: Where did Reader 3 go?

Reader 2: Come on, now. There was never a third reader. Hornblower’s lucky he even has us.

Hornblower: I heard that.

Readers 1 & 2: Hornblower!

My Left Foot

21 Apr 2009

It’s come to my attention that some of my readership have taken it upon themselves to launch an aggressive, hornblower-related promotional campaign on the popular social networking platform “The Facebook.” While I appreciate the zeal of my more fervent followers, I do not wish for anyone to feel uncomfortable or unwelcome here. We all have our reasons for believing in the power of hornblower, but I understand that many are uncomfortable with some of my more radical ideologies and theories. My hope is that all will find in these Web logs an open forum — for discussion, for dissent, for growth, and for love. And I know that one day we will all join hands and sing together that great spiritual, which has been an inspiration to all whom it has reached.