Further Paula Abdul news

Some have questioned Hornblower’s influence as a major tastemaker in the blogosphere. (Side note: Firefox recognizes neither “tastemaker” nor “blogosphere” as words. I’m switching to Chrome.) Even after past posts have influence the likes of The New Yorker, the doubters remained skeptical. But in the face of great evidence, even the most ardent non-believers must surely relent.

Recall, if you will, a recent post. I discuss a Paula Abdul Twitter post in which she said that her fans never “seize to amaze” her. Is the Twitter post in question still up there? No, sir. Ms Abdul, or perhaps her publicist, read my scathing commentary and rushed to change it. Now it’s grammatically correct, but awfully boring. Judge for yourself. Perhaps I should have kept my fool mouth closed, knowing the power I wield. But no, I cannot. I have this platform, and I am duty-bound to uphold my obligation to talk mad smack. Nothing shall give me pause. Except if maybe I got a job. Then I’d probably slow down a little bit.

Paula Abdul Update

“You all never seize to amaze me.” — via @PaulaAbdul

Maybe there is something to this Twitter thing, if it allows for gems like that one. At least now we know that account truly is, as advertised, “The Real Paula Abdul.”

I’m sure she meant it as a compliment to her fans, but here’s how I interpret it: a pirate mother is complaining to her sons that nowadays they only seize merchant ships for their own benefit, whereas they used to do it to try to win their mother’s love and approval. A little bit of a Freudian, Oedipal element going on there. D.H. Lawrence would probably do great things with Paula’s ramblings. A Rocking-Horse Winner for our times, perhaps?

Paula Abdul says she’s out city

So, no more Paula Abdul on American Idol. Guess who won’t be watching the show anymore? If you guessed Hornblower, then you’re a damn fool, cos of course I never watched that show. Oh, wait. I did. For three episodes of season six, I watched only the performances by Melinda Doolittle, who was awfully good. Unfortunately for her and decency’s (not Decency) sake — though not, I’m sure, for AI’s ratings — Ms Doolittle was voted off, no doubt for looking a little too much like Princess Fiona (post-transogrification (see what I did there, with that word?)). Not to mention Lilo, from Lilo & Stitch (side note: I cannot imagine what kind of vandalism would cause the Lilo & Stitch Wikipedia page to have to be locked. These are troubling times, indeed). She also looks like my ex-girlfriend’s ex-roommate, but I’m not going to link to a picture of her. Anyway, when Melinda got the boot, that should have been Paula’s cue to follow suit out the door and start her own show — Paula’s Dreamland of Wonderflowers and Handcrafted Doubloons.

She didn’t, though, and look where she landed. In hot water. Big surprise. So she was only offered ten million dollars for next season? And Simon gets ten times that? Sounds like the man wins again. Did you hear about the other part of Simon’s contract? How everyone has to buy him a bottle of egg nog for the first day of Spring? That was apparently the last straw for Ms Abdul. She had lobbied 19 Entertainment for the right to buy him, like, anisette or something, but to no avail. So she bopped.

What next for Ms Abdul? Word is, she’s got an album due soon. What you didn’t know, though, is that it’s a collaboration with Lenny Bruce — from beyond the grave! Spoken-word shit! Manipulated tapes, looped samples, and Paula and Lenny having conversations over the whole thing. Jeff Lynne producing. Keep your eyes peeled, readers.

Of Montreal & Janelle Monáe at Music Hall of Williamsburg – 17 April 2009

I came into this show with two sets of expectations; one grounded in my own experience, one based on waves of hearsay. The first set of expectations was that of Montreal would put on a wild and crazy show, with many props and dancers and confetti and paint and costume changes. The second was that Janelle Monáe would prove to be worthy of opening for such a spectacle as of Montreal. Both proved well-founded.

Ladytron + the Faint + Crocodiles at Webster Hall – 10 April 2009

Okay, dear readers, I haven’t the time for detail, but here are the set lists from Friday’s show, copied exactly from the physical ones, pictures of which will be posted as quickly as time permits my computer recognizes my camera’s memory card. An engaging write-up of the night is also forthcoming RIGHT HERE FOR THE READING!